Someday, Tomorrow, Eventually....

I have always been a procrastinator. SOMEDAY I hope to change this habit and be ahead of schedule.  Something tells me that (if my mom has her way) I am in for a few late night projects with my own children after they reveal that it is due TOMORROW!  I think I have always been one that works well under pressure and I need the clock ticking to make me focus. EVENTUALLY, I find ways to get it all done.   As a teacher I have tried to teach my students to "do as I say and not as I do," because procrastination is not a habit I am proud of.   Still, at this time in my life, I feel that this procrastination gene has been a bit helpful. We have put a few things on hold until TOMORROW.   We are putting off decisions and putting off large purchases.   We are in a holding pattern. SOMEDAY, when we move into our next house, we will put a swingset up on our backyard.  TOMORROW, we hope to get a call from our realtor asking us to accept a bid on our house.   EVENTUALLY, we will be able to unpack the boxes that sit in our basement ready to be moved. 

Still, I find joy in TODAY.   I must.   Because SOMEDAY my girls will be teenagers, then young ladies, and then women. And TOMORROW is one step closer to that reality.  EVENTUALLY, I will look back at the years that have flown by and wonder why I wished for TOMORROW.  So... I hold them tight and live in the moments of TODAY.        

The Important Things

I am trying to remind myself of the important things in life.  It is easy for me to get down on life these days.   Transitions in life are not simple, and I think I may be worse at change than the average person.   When we made the decision to move, we knew that it was a process that might take some time.  We knew that there were some things that were out of our control.  Still, those things that are beyond our control can sometimes keep us awake at night, haunt our thoughts during the day, and wear us down so that we have little to no patience to deal with the day-to-day stresses that are to be expected.  So, I thought I would make a list of my blessings.

In no particular order:

1. My kids - They are healthy, happy, and full of energy

2. My husband - Thank God I found someone that can put up with my craziness

3. My job - I truly do wake up everyday excited to go to work.  

4. My parents - They have kept me from living "in a van down by the river"

5. My sisters - They keep me grounded and give me things to look forward to (i.e. wedding, baby, and visits from my niece and nephews.)

6. My in-laws - Luckily I have always felt like part of the family and not just a visitor.

7. My husband's job - Finding a job these days is not an easy task, so we feel blessed to have him with us and working in his field.

8.  Health - Everyone has avoided the really awful flu thus far!  (knockin on wood as I type that one!!)

9.  My Friends - Here and there.  I know I have people I can call just to complain, celebrate, or gossip. 

10. Holidays around the corner - Nothing better than pumpkin pie, turkey, stuffing, and cookies to make you feel better!!

11.  Black Friday Shopping  - Enough said. 

 Hmmm..... That felt good.  

The Flu

How helpless it feels to be a mother of a flu-sick child.  Between sticking a thermometer under her arm, covering her with blankets and holding her hair out of her face when she tries to puke, I am really just being useless!  I want to wave that magic wand they handed me when I had my first child.  You know, that one that is supposed to make all of the aches and pains go away with a kiss & a hug.  Its that one that when waved makes the tears dry up and sleep come easy.  It is that one that makes the fever go away and the smile return. 

You mean you didn't get one?

 Hmmmm.... Guess I was the only one.   Now, if only I could find it!

Deep Breaths

I am freaking out about the move. I am freaking out about the change. I don't do change really well.

I find myself taking deep breaths a few times each day. I just stop and B-R-E-A-T-H-E. I close my eyes and put all of the self-doubt, worry, frustration, uncertainty, and "to-do" lists out of my mind and focus. For a split second I forget that I am scared. I forget that I am worried about EVERYTHING. I don't ask questions or let myself be overcome by "What if's." It is a vacation of sorts. A little getaway from the reality.

Sure, it is true that this reality has been brought on by our own decisions. We decided to move. We decided that it was time for us to make this step. We decided to list our home and search for one two hours away. Still, there are times when I wonder if that makes it harder? There is no one to blame if things go wrong. We cannot be the victims. We are choosing this for ourselves and at times, that is what scares me the most.

Knowing that we are leaving neighbors we have grown to love. Knowing that we are selling a house that has witnessed all 7 years of our marriage. Knowing that our kids will be leaving the place they have called home their entire lives. Knowing that I am giving up a job I love for a job I may or may not. Knowing that Phil doesn't have a job near me and may not have one for months. All of these things make this choice a difficult and scary one. I just keep taking breaths.

Yum

Morgan love Pumpkin Bread. Apparently, Morgan REALLY LOVES Pumpkin bread!

She loves it sooooo much that she could not ask for another piece...No, that would take too long. She simply took it upon herself to snatch a piece.

And just when she thought it was the perfect crime....Evidence was found lingering on her face!

She is so proud!

Us? Yeah, we are kinda proud too!!

At My Wits End

I love my kids. Really, I do! I love them more than I ever knew was possible. When I think about the love I feel for them, I am taken aback by the massive amount of emotion which flows between a mother and her children. My mom used to say things like, "One day when you have a daughter, you will understand....." Or "When you are a mother, this will make sense." And, now that I have been blessed to be called "Mommy," "Mama," or "Mom," by two little people, I am able to appreciate the love that is uniquely shared between a mom and her children.

So, now that I have convinced you that I really do love my children, I have to say that sometimes this motherhood thing is NOT what I had in mind. I had no idea that a child of four could cry over so many things - Here' s the short list:

• The color of her shorts




• The shoes she has to wear,




• The video she is watching,




• The snack she gets,




• The snack she doesn't get,




• The kiss her little sister gives her,




• Losing at Candyland,




• Winning at Candyland,




• Getting the wrong color ballon,




• Popping that ballon,




• Sitting in the wrong seat at dinnertime,




• Being forced to wear a dress to church,




• Not being allowed to wear her church dress to Preschool,




• Not getting the back seat of the bathtub,




• Running out of Ranch Dressing,




• Being last to get upstairs,




• A Papercut,

• Not having a baby in her tummy (yeah, I am not having that conversation yet!)




• Running out of time to read all 20 books before bedtime,




• Getting the wrong toothpaste,




• Getting the wrong color vitamin,




• Not being able to see God.

Recently Brooke's new way of communicating is through temper-tantrums and tears. She has mastered pitiful. She is a champion of manipulation techniques. First she drops to her knee and starts whining. Then, within minutes she is shaking and sobbing. The bottom lip puckers and she is sucking air so hard that I fear she may vomit. When she finally calms down, she goes after my heartstrings by saying things like, "S-S-Sometimes it is just too hard for a four-year-old to make happy choices." OR "I think I am just having a rough day and I need a hug."

REALLY!? What am I supposed to do with this? That is not a hypothetical. I really want to know. On one hand I am enraged because she has selective hearing and is completely sassy. Then, she becomes this sweet little person that is vulnerable & trying to find her way.

At times I feel like I do a pretty good job of being stern and firm with discipline, but other times I think she is playing me like a fiddle.

What I DO know is this - I need to figure this out before Morgan turns 4! Morgan is completely full-force, 100%, determined in everything she does. If she is going somewhere.... She runs. If she is eating something.... She eats until stuffed. If she gets mad...She is loud and full-force screaming. There is no "medium" setting with her emotions. I can only guess what may happen when she is a bit older and starts to test the boundaries. I can already see glimpses of her efforts to manipulate - The little sideways smile, the unexpectant hug after she upsets Brooke, and the way she says , "I ready to be big girl and listen mama. "

Yeah, I didn't quite know what I was getting myself into. I didn't know the challenges motherhood would present. I do know this - when I lay down in my bed and reflect each night, the first thing I feel is an overwhelming sense of accomplishment - I made it through one more day and I still love my kids! Really, I do!

Lucky

The Kentucky Derby was held last weekend. If I would have bet $2 on the "trifecta," I would have won $500,000. Considering I know nothing about horse racing - I would have been lucky.



I recently found a pair of shoes on sale and in my size for less than $10.00 I felt a wee bit lucky.
I lost an earring in the grass a few days ago and yesterday, I found it back. I felt lucky.



Still, overall, I have not considered myself extremely lucky. I play the lottery and lose. I have had my car towed more than the average person. I have appliances breakdown usually a few days after the warranty expires. I have typed 15-page papers, only to have a "computer error" delete them. It usually rains on the days that I forget my umbrella. I have (in my estimation) a fairly slow metabolism which means I may always battle the last 15 pounds!

In the past, I have been unlucky in friendship. On my 12th birthday, my "best" friend called me to tell me she was no longer my friend. Her reason- I wasn't popular. Until Phil came along, I wasn't lucky in love - Let's just say I was dealt the "friend" card over and over again. I have been known to complain about these things. Woe is me! Why me? Why am I so unlucky?












But, now, my perspective on "luck" has been altered significantly. No, I have not recently won the Ohio Lottery. While that would have been nice, I believe this recent revelation of sorts is perhaps more valuable.

In the past year, I have been closely watching a friend go through the most difficult time in her life. Her child is sick and there is nothing she can do. There is nothing we can do. We are helpless. It is by pure chance that she was dealt this hand in life. She is one of the kindest, gentlest, most caring people I have ever known. If anyone was meant to be "lucky," it should have been her. I get angered by the injustice of it all. Good people should have only wonderful things happen to them. Wouldn't that make more sense? Doesn't it just seem right? Wouldn't that be just?
And yet, here she is facing a reality that is, by all means - unfair, unjust, unlucky. My heart aches for her. I question - Why her?
This then leads to a deeper question - What if it were me? Why am I so lucky?
When dealing the cards of life, how did I get so lucky? I was given two beautiful, healthy children, a loving spouse, great parents, wonderful friends???

If I could re-deal the cards for my friend, I would. If I could shuffle them up and stack the deck in her favor, I would. If I could lend her a "lucky charm" that would take away the pain this situation has caused her, I would. Like I said before, I cannot. The only thing I can do is hug my healthy children a little tighter and count myself among the lucky. Did I just call myself lucky? It is true - I am lucky! Lucky in a way that makes me richer than anyone with a winning ticket.

EASTER 2009

Brooke is allergic to eggs and Morgan tasted one and spit it right back out. Still, like many things in life, the fun part is "the hunt!" This theory applies to dating, shopping and, of course, easter eggs.

Modeling is definitely in their futures - don't ya think? Brooke is giving her "pondering" look, while Morgan is trying to look innocent. She just about pulls it off!

High School Musical

Brooke and I went to see the Central Crossing High School production of High School Musical. We were both very impressed. It was neat to see students that I had taught in 6th or 8th grade suddenly transformed into confident, talented, self-assured individuals. Brooke was in awe of the cheerleaders and the dancers.


Neither of us had ever seen the actual movie, so we were both eagerly awaiting as the curtain rose. We had very few expectations. I was simply hoping to sit for an hour or two in a comfortable chair. Brooke was satisfied the minute she saw pom-poms.

For those of you unfamiliar with the HSM plot, it can be summed up as follows: A mix of Romeo and Juliet with a bit of S.E. Hiton's The Outsiders and a dab of Grease. It is simply put, a classic story of cliques that clash. As I held Brooke in my lap the entire time, I couldn't help but ponder the question - How would she survive the brutal nature of teenage girls? Her tenderheartedness leaves her easily offended by small little comments. She can tear up unexpectantly, even if someone isn't trying to hurt her feelings. She is scared of the dark. She doesn't like to go to the movie theater because it gets "too loud, too big, and too dark!" She says her "heart hurts: when she misses her mommy and daddy. She crumbles when she is scolded and knows that she did something wrong. How can this little thin-skinned child one day survive the jungle of high school?

I guess it is our job to prepare her for this world. How do I prepare her for it without hardening her? How do I keep that sweet heart inside of her without leaving her exposed to years of hurt? How do I nurture her innocence without making her a target? Each day I have more questions and fewer answers, but somehow I seem to get by. I hope I have a few more years to figure these things out. I am SO not ready to have teenagers (Especially those of the female variety!)

Still, the show was FANTASTIC.

Fast Friends with Alyssa "Grace"

Our good friends Chris and Heather live about an hour and a half away. So, we don't get a chance to see them as much as we would like. With a busy life full of having kids, potty-training, birthday parties, family events, work commitments, and all the other requirements we have as adults, it is difficult to uncover a weekend that both of our familes are free for an evening. So, we were really excited last weekend when the kids were healthy and we were able to visit them in their new home. Even though they have lived there for about a year, we had not yet seen their place!

One of the best parts of the evening was watching the girls play together. Before we arrived at their house, Brooke decided that Alyssa's middle name had to be "Grace." It is actually Marie, but the entire night Brooke called her Alyssa Grace. I am not quite sure why. Just one of those things that makes sense to a four-year-old.

Alyssa and Morgan are exactly a month apart in age, and when you get two two-year-olds together, it is a bit of a crap shoot. Luckily, they became fast friends. They bonded over ice cream and princess dresses. We (the adults) bonded over pizza and beer. Good Times!

Disney Surprise

It is advisable to keep information from your children if you are planning to go somewhere fun. In doing so, you may actually get them to nap before you leave the house. You can avoid the constant questioning that goes something like "Are we going to leave soon?" OR "How much longer until it is time to go bye-bye?"

After learning this lesson the hard way, we decided to really surprise the girls with a trip to see "Disney on Ice!" They both napped great that Sunday afternoon, and as they woke up, we threw them in the bathtub, and told them that they were going somewhere fun! Brooke's guesses included bowling, Tuttle Mall, the library, and Cracker Barrel. Morgan simply repeated all of Brooke's guesses like a little mocking bird.

Even as we drove to Nationwide Arena, we didn't give them any hints. We got inside of the building and even up the escalator before Brooke realized that she was in for some sort of Disney treat. Her first reaction was "Are we in Disney World?" I snapped the second shot as the idea was dawning on her!

.

Morgan's favorite part of the show? Eating Popcorn! Brooke's favorite part? "The skating!" To our surprise, we were front and center. The girls could actually feel the flakes of ice fly from the rink as the skaters slid, jumped and twirled by. Chip (or maybe Dale) gave the girls a hug during the finale. Overall, I'd say it was a great night. Still, it kinda makes me wonder if my kids need more excitement in their lives. I mean, bowling and the Cracker Barrel were on the top of their lists!

Do you feel a draft?

It started out pretty typical - Morgan takes one of Brooke's precious stuffed friends............

Then..........

THE RACE is on..........

and the pants are falling off......

Without any assistance from Brooke, Morgan's pants were mid-calf as she was in hot-pursuit throughout the house. But, that didn't slow her down much. It made me wonder if she had taken fashion notes from some of the 8th grade boys she had seen recently at my school. Still, the speed at which she ran from Brooke was amazing considering her wardrobe malfunction. It didn't seem to phase her one bit. While watching this I could see a fight brewing, and I was faced with a dilemma - Do I try to intervene and prevent an almost certain sisterly battle? OR... grab the camera. I guess it is obvious which option I chose.

Make Believe

If a child is to keep alive her inborn sense of wonder,

she needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it,

rediscovering with her the joy, excitement and mystery of the world we live in. Rachel Carson


Each night when I tuck my girls in, we go through the same routine. Mostly it consists of prayers, hugs, stories, kisses, more hugs, and some time to just listen to them. I ask them questions about their day and usually get a very mixed up story about the fun they had at daycare.
Morgan recently graduated to her big-girl bed, and along with the pride she beems with when she says, "MY big-girl bed!" came a whole new set of routines that she must follow to assert her new found independence. She must walk up the stairs BY HERSELF. She must get on the potty BY HERSELF. She must wipe BY HERSELF. She must get up into her bed (which is equal to her height) BY HERSELF. She must walk to the top of her bed and flop down on her pillow (missing by just inches the headboard) BY HERSELF! And just when I think my little baby is pulling away too quickly, she begs me to lie with her and sing her "You are my Sunshine." Then there are a million hugs and kisses before I can escape the lair of Miss Independence. In her mind she must make believe that she is truly ready to "grow up!" She must convince herself that she is ready. But, then reality sinks in, and she realizes that the world is much bigger than she and it all seems less scary if mom is next to you singing a lullaby.
By this time Brooke is anxiously awaiting my arrival in her room. I have difficulty finding her amongst her "friends." She calls the stuffed animals friends and to her they are much more than toys. Many of her stuffed pals even have names. There is Sara, the rainbow beanie baby bear that she insists is a weiner dog. There is Vivianne, her newest bunny that must be changed into her Hello Kitty PJ's each night. There is Todd, a random brown bear. Chewy - the crazy-looking alpaca-fur bear that Aunt Lynn gave her from Peru. And most importantly Puppy, the puppy that travels everywhare with her. Some of her friends haven't been named, but they keep her company just the same. I love the fact that she finds comfort in these make-believe creatures.

I hold tight to the moments of wonder they get from their make-believe world. I appreciate being swept away in it with them.

Too soon perhaps, Brooke may find her bed a bit too full of "toys" instead of "friends." And Morgan may find herself happy to finally be "left alone!"

Magical Snow

At 10:58 PM last night, I got the call - NO SCHOOL!!

One of the perks of teaching is the unexpected, but always prayed for snow day! Because Brooke and Morgan are like roosters in the morning, I knew sleeping in was out of the question. But, that didn't keep us from staying in our pajamas for the majority of the day.

First on the agenda was making chili soup. Brooke assigned herself the name of "bean girl" and found a lot of humor in telling her father that, "beans make you toot!" She was even happy to demonstrate this after eating her share of the soup. Morgan was left with tomatoes and stirring. I was satisfied when all the ingredients ended up in the pot and very little ended up on the floor. Regardless of how the chili tasted, I had decided it was a kitchen success.

Second on the list came crafts. In the world of a four and two-year-old, this consists of fighting over the stencils and crayons and deciding how they can tear the paper in a new way. Next, when crafting as a toddler, one must glue glitter to their hair and eyelids. When all else fails, crafts must be dumped systematically on the floor and left for mom to clean up. My girls are good at all of these things. I think they might be gifted!

Finally, nap time! I find it a requirement for both mom and children on snow days to find at least one hour to sleep. I more than met my requirement as Brooke and Morgans slept for over two hours! AHHHHHH!

Then, I knew eventually I would break down and spend some time suiting up the girls to head out into the snow-covered wonderland they had longingly peered at through the windows.

First layer - tights and undershirt. CHECK!

Second layer - sweater and jeans. CHECK!

Third layer - fleece sweatshirt. CHECK!

Fourth layer - Snowsuit and Coat. CHECK!

Finally - gloves, hat, boots, scarf. CHECK!

Morgan lasted approximately 7 mins and 22 seconds. Her gloves fell off twice. She couldn't get herself upright after falling down and attempting a snow angel. And she quickly realized that, for some, the snow is much more enjoyable to look at through the window while sipping hot chocolate.

Brooke was in it for the long haul. She talked me into being her sled dog and I pulled her up and down the court for about 10 minutes. After I worked up a sweat, I decided it was time for her and the 10-yr-old neighbor girl, Tara, to sled together.

This worked out beautifully. It reminded me that, at age 10, we have an infinite amount of strength and energy. Brooke lasted nearly an hour. She would have stayed out longer, but the chili soup was ready and she was promised hot chocolate when she finished her bowl. She is definitely my child -chocolate always wins!!!

While at dinner, Brooke informed her father that her arms (which are sore from the four-year shots) didn't hurt at all outside. She explained, 'The snow is magical!"