Deep Breaths

I am freaking out about the move. I am freaking out about the change. I don't do change really well.

I find myself taking deep breaths a few times each day. I just stop and B-R-E-A-T-H-E. I close my eyes and put all of the self-doubt, worry, frustration, uncertainty, and "to-do" lists out of my mind and focus. For a split second I forget that I am scared. I forget that I am worried about EVERYTHING. I don't ask questions or let myself be overcome by "What if's." It is a vacation of sorts. A little getaway from the reality.

Sure, it is true that this reality has been brought on by our own decisions. We decided to move. We decided that it was time for us to make this step. We decided to list our home and search for one two hours away. Still, there are times when I wonder if that makes it harder? There is no one to blame if things go wrong. We cannot be the victims. We are choosing this for ourselves and at times, that is what scares me the most.

Knowing that we are leaving neighbors we have grown to love. Knowing that we are selling a house that has witnessed all 7 years of our marriage. Knowing that our kids will be leaving the place they have called home their entire lives. Knowing that I am giving up a job I love for a job I may or may not. Knowing that Phil doesn't have a job near me and may not have one for months. All of these things make this choice a difficult and scary one. I just keep taking breaths.